Johnny Damon may have been injured at the start of spring training, but unlike Nomar he'll at least be in the opening day lineup. Personally, I'm rooting for Damon to have a big season. In fact, I hope he has one of the best seasons ever, if only so that we might be able to call beer a "performance-enhancing drug" sometime in the future.

Think about it.

If Damon does well, then maybe more of us can get away with drinking beer when we really should be exercising. "Hey, it worked for Johnny Damon," we can say with a smile while reaching for that extra beer.

By now, you're all familiar with Johnny Damon's caveman look. Apparently, his neighbors are too. Here's Johnny explaining how he stayed in shape this off-season: "I live on a street where there's a 25 mph sign and the cops get you if you go anything over," Damon said. "I'd wait on the side of the street at night and when cars started coming, I'd race them to my house, so I know I can go at least 25. I think I scared the cars and they'd speed up a little more because they'd see a caveman running after them."

I'm guessing that Damon wasn't drinking beer while doing this, but you never know. When was the last time you raced against cars in the middle of the night? Alcohol, of course, has played a major role in the history of baseball.

Lately, I've been reading "The Summer of '49," David Halberstam's excellent account of the 1949 pennant race between the Red Sox and the Yankees, and I think I might have a hangover just from reading about all the drinking that was taking place back then.

For example, there was Red Sox ace Ellis Kinder who used to stay up all night drinking before the days he pitched as a way of "getting loose." Halberstam writes, "Normally, [Kinder] might have a few beers at night. But the night before a game he needed to stay out all night, drink hard, and find a woman."

Need, of course, is a relative term, but Kinder insisted that when he skipped this ritual he would get so nervous thinking about the game that he wouldn't be able to fall asleep. He won 23 games that year, so maybe he was onto something.

Meanwhile, here's the advice Yankee second baseman Jerry Coleman was given by his minor league manager: "During the season, drink two beers a day after a game, whether you like it or not. You need the fluid -- it'll keep you from losing weight, and it'll help you relax."

Now, that's what I call some sound nutritional advice. With today's emphasis on year-round exercise and all the talk about steroids, I wonder whether the great art of getting loaded and playing baseball the next day may be falling by the wayside.

Once David Wells retires, will there be anyone left to carry on the tradition? As for Johnny Damon, I don't really know if he parties too much. Then again, he hasn't exactly done the best job of defending himself.

Here's Damon on rumors that his partying got out of control last year: "Never one time last year was I incapacitated where I was so drunk that I didn't know what was going on."

Well, that's comforting. All I can say is: Thank goodness some of the players still talk to the media.

Johnny, it's time to win an MVP. Let's show those fitness freaks in the game what a real man can do. Johnny, let's win one for the beer drinkers

[Editor's Note: BostonGM doesn't condone the use of alcohol by minors.]

Joe Lavin writes a weekly humor column at http://www.joelavin.com and can be seen on BostonGM every Thursday.

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